Just Another [X] Poem

If I have to ask permission,
when he
never did -

There's a problem.

When people praise your stories of strength 
in sickness or in chemo,
It’s allowed -
Even he knows.

That is why it keeps
on
happening;

This is why
little girls cry in secret;
because this horror 
you don't want to hear or see -

We have to keep it.

Do you realize it is just as triggering
to hear your happy tales of your folks
when mine scrambled my insides like egg yolks -

Do you realize your listened to cancer stories 
cut just as deep,
because Mama and the others 
whose hearts I wished to keep
lost their battles and are buried 
beneath a heap of earth - 

Do you realize every time 
you close your eyes and ears
because my rape as a child 
is something you don’t want to hear -
Well that's a damn shame my dear.

It must be nice to have a heart of ice to this fear,
to walk away or ignore it as if 
I don't live near the edge of a cliff because of it.

That year after year, 
you get to shush me
because it makes you uncomfortable 
to see.

Well 
it shouldn't be comfortable. 

I had to tiptoe through life carrying the shame
and you continue to enable the same.

My life was no game.
Five year old me could have heard it,
had a word for it -

But there aren't many words for that, 
aren't there.

Not when people like you
shush me
when I tell about the violation under there,
in my underwear,
that he would rip off a helpless child.

Yet I need your permission to speak his decisions.

I had no choice -

Not then;

Not now.

How could I, 
when you don't want to hear the cry,
and I have to lie and say it hasn’t destroyed me.   

As if someone else you know 
isn't carrying this secret shame.
There are so many of us, so many names

that yea, I get it -
It sounds like just another rape poem.
A broken home don’t let it be known poem.

It all sounds the same.  

That 

is the real shame.  

How stories of triumph can be shared unless

Unless

Unless

It's of a girl who was scared. Undressed.
Not by choice, 
no voice;

And you are guilty just as they are. 

[Kristina Rose Garcia 2021]

Published by misskris726

Bronx poet, artist and educator.

One thought on “Just Another [X] Poem

  1. I love all your work, it is amazing! I also love you as a person, as a writer, as a poet, as an artist, as a teacher, as a mother, and as a friend.

    Like

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